byMatthewJ。

X?

Malady

PeopledropthingsontheInternetandrunallthetime。

Sowehavetoask。

Inthisedition,developerandeditorNozleeSamadzadehtellsusmoreaboutbeingassaultedbysomejerkwhileexitingthesubway?

station。

Justnowamangrabbedmefrombehindbythestrapofmytotebagbecause,apparently,Iexitedthesubwaycarbefore?

him。

—NozleeS-H(@nzle)August27?

2014

Nozlee!

Sowhathappened?

here?

Ihavealovelysubwaycommute?

—?

Ireallydo。

ItaketheLjustafewstopsandthentransfertoacouplemorestopsontheNQR,whichconvenientlyhasstaircaseaccessdirectlyfromtheLplatform。

Evenonabaddaythisnevertakeslongerthan25?

minutes!

LastWednesdaywasnormal:Igotoninaspecificsubwaycartomostefficientlymakemytransferandpulledoutmymagazine。

ThecarwasprettyemptybutfilledupatBedfordAve,wherethelastpersontoenterwasawhiteguyinhisfortiesobviouslyreadytogoonvacation?

—?

Guayaberashirt,salmon-coloredshorts,overstuffedcarry-onluggage。

Hewasstandingdirectlynexttomeinfrontofthecardoors;Ibrieflyimaginedthe$$waterfronthigh-risewherehelivedandthesuitsheprobablynormallyworewhenridingtheLintoManhattan,thenwentbacktowhatIwas?

reading。

WepulledintoUnionSquareand,ugh,itwasoneofthosebaddays:TheNQRstaircasewascrowdedupanddownwithotherpassengers。

Iwasrunningalittlelateandneededtodashout,butasthedoorsopenedGuayaberaguywastakinguptheentiredoorwaygettingaholdofhisluggage。

Iwiggledpasthim?

—?

I’mnotgoingtosayitwasnicetomaneuverpastsomeone,butitcertainlywasn’taviolentorsuddenaction?

—?

andwalkedtowardthestaircase。

Iwastryingtofindawayupthestairs,whichwerecrowdedwithpeoplerushinginbothdirections,soitwasn’tuntilIwashalfwayupthefirstflightthatIrealizedtheyellingIheardwasdirectedatme。

“Don’tpushpastme,youbitch!

Whothefuckdoyouthinkyou?

are?



Then,twostepsfromthestaircaselanding,Iwasyankedbackwards:FromloweronthestaircaseGuayaberaguyhadgrabbedmebythestrapsofmytotebag,hisotherhandgraspingthatoverstuffedluggage,andwasyellingatmeforgettingoutofthesubwaycarbeforehim。

Ican’tstressenoughthatthiswasacrowdedstaircaseatpeakcommutehours,butatthatmomentitwaslikeallthefacesfadedawayandeverythingstopped。

Whathappenednextscaredmealmostmorethanthefactthatamanwhowasphysicallystrongerthanmewastryingtodragmedownastaircase。

(Thisisstupid,butwhatitremindedmeofmostwaswhenHarryPotter’swandfiresaspellatVoldemortofitsownaccordinthebeginningofDeathlyHallows。

)Totallyoutofmyowncontrol,Iturned,openedmymouth,andshoutedinascary,low,screamyroar,“GETTHEFUCKAWAYFROMME。

DON’TYOUFUCKINGTOUCH?

ME。



AfterthatIflailedmyarmoutimpotentlytowardtheman’sfaceto,Idon’tknow,trytohithim。

(Youknowhowinanightmare,youtrytomovebutyoucan’tdefendyourself?

Itfeltexactlylikethat。

)IwishIhadregisteredthelooksonthefacesofthepeoplearoundme,butthenextthingIrememberisbeinglet?

go。

Iranupthestairsasthemancontinuedtoyellafterme(“I’llteachyoutobelatetowork!

Whodoyouthinkyouarepushingme?

”)anddidn’tstopuntilIwasatthemiddleoftheNQRplatform,whereblessedly,atrainarrivedimmediately。

Iwrotethattweetwhilehyperventilatingandtremblinginmyseat;itseemedreallyimportantthatItellpeopleaboutitimmediatelytocementthedetailsin?

place。

Whatthefuckiswrongwith?

people?

Let’sredefine“people”tobe“thatassholeinhislinenshirt,”becausemostpeopleareincrediblynice:Somanyfriendstweetedbacktheirsupport。

Iranintoacoworkerwhilewalkingtomyoffice,andwhenIburstintotearsshegavemeahugandboughtmeadrinkatthecoffeeshop,wheretheownergavemeafreebrownie。

Onefriendsentabunchofgoofytextsaboutmenandtheirbigol’penisesthatmademelaugh;anotherfriendwithalawdegreesentalongemailexplaininghowGuayaberaguyhadlikelycommittedaclassBmisdemeanor。

OverlunchIwenttoyogaandcriedduringsavasana,aboutwhichtheinstructorwasvery?

nice。

Sowhatthefuckiswrongwiththatassholeinhislinenshirt?

Ihavenoidea!

Asscaryasitwastobegrabbedbyhim,Itrulydon’tthinkthatheintendedtophysicallyharmmeoncehegotaholdofme。

Thatsaid,itisinasenseequallyhorrifyingthathisreactiontobeing“slighted”wastofindandscoldthe“perpetrator。

”Imaginethat!

Imaginebeingsounabletoletgoofbeing“wronged”thatyoumust“correct”theworld。

LifemustbesoexhaustingforGuayaberaguyandhisbrethren!

ANDIDON’T?

CARE。

Lessonlearned(if?

any)?

AlessonIdidNOTlearn?

—?

Becarefulsoasnottoantagonizemen。

AlessonIactuallydidlearn?

—?

Malerageisadeepwellofrepressedemotion。

AlessonIhopethatdudelearns?

—?

Don’ttouchpeople!

Especiallywomen!

Inallseriousness,I’mgladthatInowknowmyreactiontoasituationlikethisistoROARinsteadofapologizeorfreeze。

IfeelreallyluckythatIcameawayfromthisexperiencewithnothingworsethanasorethroatfromscreamingathim。

AndIhopethatsharingthisstoryishelpfulforsomeoneoutthere?

—?

publicaltercationsarescaryandjustbecause“nothingbadhappened”intheenddoesn’tmeanyourfeelingsoffearandangerandmistrustaren’tjustified!

Justonemore?

thing。

Um,exitthesubwayefficientlywhencarryinglargeitemssoyoudon’tholdupeveryonearound?

you?

MatthewJ。

X。

MaladyisawriterandeditorinNew?

York。

ThumbnailphotobyStefan?